Diary Number One
1/1/09
Feel frustrated, relieved at same time
Grade: -B
Dear Conscience,
This morning, I felt twitch of devious when my mother tried to enforce my studying. I know that she was doing the right thing; but, sometimes, I still become unreasonably angry. I feel slight regret, but, even if I apologize to them, it will be considered as “lip-service,” and I wouldn’t be doing any good.
At middle of dull studying (religion) and lunch (yum), I preformed usual ritual to my parents by bowing down and receiving some money. Smiling, I told my sister, “Hey, I got five Jackson!” and laughed at my own corny joke. Then my parents shoo away from the room and I went in merry way to my own room.
It is very irony that in the darkest time of my 2008 (and 2009 I hope), I formed good sense of humor and relieved. I felt relieved because GPA, temporary, didn’t matter. All it mattered was my behavior and if I fix in due time, things will work out smoothly. My parents, alarmed, mistook relieve as slackness. I just hope that my gifted talents (which sometimes I doubt) are used for greater good, for my friends and for myself. {Note to myself: No, I am not writing fancy just to look smart. But, after few readings of religious texts, I found myself writing this way}
And, after few guilt and defiance, I finished math and ate and I put myself on the seat. Then, the studying continued. Although I feel ardent passion occasionally, it is not enough to beat my headaches and short attention span. I still hope that this will improve BEFORE JANUARY.
But, compared with yesterday, I guess that History Notetaking was done superbly. My parents still complain (I understand their feeling), but I never get the studying right in some way. I gave myself a -B because I “tried hard” to try hard at studying (Paradox, isn’t it?)
Although today is “New Beginning” of Our Time, today was ordinary like previous days. But lets just hope to God that things work out later on.
P.S. Yes, I know that there is satirical voice in this short essay.
Signing off,
Your dear friend,
Kevin Kim
